Dirty Halloween jokes

Dirty Halloween jokes

An old couple who hadn’t celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.

The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.

Dirty Halloween jokes

When she came out, the old man cried, “You can’t go out like that!”

 

She said, “I can go anyway I like and so can you.”

Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.

The old woman says, you’re going out like that?”

And he replies, “Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He decides that he would like to wear a costume that conceals his slightly odd appearance, but can’t think of any costumes that would look good and do the job.Dirty Halloween jokes¬† Out of ideas, he writes a note to a costume company explaining his issue. A few days later a package arrives with a note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dirty Halloween jokes

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk’s costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.Dirty Halloween jokes

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.Dirty Halloween jokes

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dirty Halloween jokes

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, Dirty Halloween jokes stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.Dirty Halloween jokes

Very truly yours,

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